Are you reading my blog right now? No!
Did I write a little fragment of prose called "Nyetovshchik"? No!
Is it part of the legendary and legendarily unpublishable Melancholic Parables, and thus shot through with both undetectable melancholy and indecipherable parabolic significance? No!
Is there an online humor publication called Defenestration Magazine? Maybe!
Never mind, change that to no!
Did the editors make the questionable decision to publish my piece? No!
Don't read it here! You won't like it.
We're not here.
This isn't happening.
Nihil est.