Maej is a hefty book, a “chonky boi” in the latest slang. I have been reliably informed by more than one reader that the book has made them cry, specifically when they’ve dropped the paperback on their toes.
It is from such enlightening anecdotes that I here draw inspiration to offer Ten Ways to Use Your Print Copy of MÆJ After Reading It.
1. Make your enemies cry by dropping it on their toes.
2. Bind it to an enemy’s corpse to sink them to the bottom of the lake.
3. Wear it like a locket beneath your shirt, where it may stop a bullet. The life you save could be your own.
4. Curls. Four sets of ten reps.
5. Use it to press flowers when you really, really mean business about the flowers.
6. Hollow out its pages. Conceal a revolver and a flask of spirits within.
7. Kindle 324 cosy fires.
8. Innovate 324 prototypes of aerodynamism.
9. Conclude (a mite uncomfortably) 324 sessions on the toilet.
10. Compel your protégé to shelve and unshelve the book over and over—floor to bookshelf, bookshelf to floor, repeat. At the end of a training montage, the protégé will realise this seemingly pointless exercise has built both muscle mass and character.
And you? Have you found other useful applications for your print copy of Maej? Share them!
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